There must be others out there in the big wild world that feel the same as I do though.
I have paid off my debts by scrimping and scrapping never getting married or having children as I was aware that I could not afford to do that in this culture. I have helped out my friends’ by giving them a roof over their head or giving them money to support the children they have I have even had their children live here with me when things where difficult I have mended and made do struggled to never be in debt and saved as much as possible, recycled and been green from my earliest possible age of responsibility. Never bought gadgets I don’t need or wasted money on none essentials.
I still have some savings that are losing value every day in the current situation. I have a house that is bought and paid for but is rapidly going to worth less than I have paid for it if the situation continues to deteriorate.
I am now sharing it with two mate who are struggling both are homeless one has a job but cant afford to rent a place and the other is being feed and housed by me and is walking the streets of London trying to find a job with what little money he gets from the state as a homeless person.

Prior to being made homeless he worked for a homeless charity as a £40 a week volunteer but due to UK government rules he had to be made homeless after 2 years.
I am retired and am a full time care giver for my elderly mother and father now in their late 80`s with health and dementia now in my 60`s.
People like me are paying for the world money crisis caused by greedy rich people and their banks and company’s. Wanting more and bigger profits. The question is for what ?

The reality of the capitalist system is that those of us who scrimp and scrap to make sure they don’t go in to debt, mend, make do, recycle, save go without. Are always the ones who are ripped off exploited and abused by those who have because they are greedy and those who have not because they have no choice they have to do it in order to survive.

Governments and organised religions by their nature exploit this to further their own agendas and prejudices and to maintain the structure of their own hierarchies in a completely selfish abusive way If the human race is ever to become the truly enlightened, egalitarian, harmonious, peaceful, exploratory race that can and will bring life in its glorious nature to the whole of the creation and be what the false prophets of religion and capitalism have held up to us as the goal for all the years of so called civilisation.
We need to rebel against our institutions and end the hold of religions and governments over the human race and become the enlightened beings we where always intend to be with institutions serving the will of the people rather than the people serving the will of the institution.

The current trend to self services in super markets why we have huge unemployment shut the self services and employ more people use the cash we spend on war to feed the people and support the living not create more fields of the dead.
Why an Olympics in London that money could have been spent on home care for the sick and elderly and housing for the homeless.
Who actually needs an Olympics if it was to be off any use at all the competitions should settle wars instead of just being for fun then at least it would have a purpose.
To solve the world crisis we need to return to labour intensive society where nothing is done by machine that can be done by hand.
The flaw of course with this thinking is that in the developed world at least most of the population can not do anything with its hands it needs mechanical devises and electronic devices to do any think at all.
In the case of one of the people who lives in my house the younger of the two 28 years old he even picks up the rechargeable screwdriver to put a screw in any thing he would not dream of using a hand held one where as I use a hand held for all but the biggest jobs where it would take me all day if the 200 screws had to be put in by hand.
May be its just an age thing?

Early this year I was on a cruise for my 60th birthday. I was cruising on the Oriana for 35 days from Southampton to the Gulf of Mexico and back. The main impression of the cruise is that it was an interesting experience the British Empire and all its stupidity is alive and well and sailing on the Oriana or should I say Peninsular and Orient shipping. The trip was expensive and in my opinion not worth the £5,k it cost me. Form a cabin that did not meet what I asked for. to the gym thundering over my head form 8am each morning to the racial divisions of the crew and company, to the empty late night disco with an approved play list none of which is on my play list of favourite music   and the out dated evening dress code that prohibited the use of the deck jacuzzi at 2 am and no cocktails  under the Caribbean night sky.

I feel I was robbed by the cruise industry and my 60th birthday present to my self was all most a complete waste of my money and my time it was not the holiday I expected or the holiday I thought I was going to have  . To make matters worse the same holiday that I paid £5k for if I now book the same trip again for 2012. I can have it for £3k and have an out side cabin possibly with a balcony ? An  all because I have been sailing with them once at full price . This trip has fuelled my sense of outraged alienation from the rest of the world big time.

I wrote a 39 page log of my trip while on the journy I am toying with publishing it here with photos

The P.C `s home in the corner of the living room.

I am a P.C.= Personal Computer or Politically Correct or Public Convenience ?

First thing to say is that I do love and respect my friends and I know that as a general rule they mean well .

I do have reservations about the nature and actuality of our personal Interactions when it comes to The personal computer and all things r tech.

Why do most of your friends take the position that your computer is a free internet café when they come round it is not all of them but it is the younger cyber savy members of my friendship community.

Now then.

When I go to see my friends I go to see them and spend time with them not to socially isolate my self on the commuter.

Similarly I don’t do the dreaded I must down load this for you its absolutely you you must see it.

An while I am at it, its so slow your P.C. I’ll down load this, I’ll change that, if you run in this mode it will be faster, you don’t need this, I’ll uninstantiated it for you.

They go home and your left with three weeks of sorting and turning your system back to something you can use that works the way you want it.

Your work and activity on the computer has been hung up in the mean time and your bills have ended up unpaid and you are incurring charges for late bill payments and when you see your fiend again its. Sorry pops! but I only did this.

Step away from the P.C or I will be forced to use the Kitchen knife to remove your hands at the wrist?

No But seriously.

I don’t go to my fiends houses to to move the furniture, change the curtains, cut their hair, change their cloths just because I feel like it. Unless of curs e that the nature of the relationship master and slave style.

I don’t rewire their house, knock a wall down move the raises. Unless we have made arrangements to work together on their DIY. .

So why is a Personal computer any different? Is thee no social etiquette or code of behaviour about use of a personal compute? Is there no respect of the personal nature of the computer or the lap top after all it by its nature tends to be close to the most sexually intimate part of our anatomy .

Is there no respect of the personal space ?

If there is none of my friends seem to observe it unless they are computer illiterate.

When I approach the subject they get all personally affronted about the my refusal to let them on my machine .

I don’t have this trouble in any other aspect of my life ! Friend don’t come round and borrow my clothes use my tooth brush, or help them selves to the contents of my fridge. The Personal Computer seems to be outside all that accepted code of behaviour . So much so that I am thinking of placing it in a locked room the inner sanctum where I will go to work with my P.C. And have my own personal relationship with my P.C.

There is another aspect of the PC. That gets me the number of gay guys and game girls who want to have Cyber sex over the web cam . Not a good idea in lounge really with house mates and neighbours and the kids around . Often the contact on the other end of the cyber link are shocked that I am sitting in the lounge and not in a private space like my bed room. What is that all about I have been a user of the internet now for the last 18 years and I still don’t under stand the culture ?

Today I should have been going to gay pride march but I don’t feel much pride in my gay community.

In fact truth to tell  I have not enthused about gay pride since I chaired the committee in 1980 the then small group that was East London GLF  struggling to keep the political element and road protesting green crusty groups and squatters still involved in the process hanging on to our political credibility and getting kicked in the proverbial“so by the pink pound capitalist sell out jockeys.

So here we are July 3 rd independence day weekend  good old  fourth of July. tired from a heavy week of looking after my aged mum and dad the same ones that threw me out for being gay to fend for my self aged 16 !

Now my toddler dad and wheel chair bound mum both now 86 year old children ! Me the gay boy being the only member of the family to take early retirement to care for them.

Today to tired to involve my self in gay pride, Needing the weekend to recover my self now in my own 60th year.

Tomorrow I will weed my garden at the perm-culture project in Kent. Flashing of my memory brings me back to the poem I  wrote on time for the on the longest day of this my 60th year I wrote how we define it as our own in our bid for selfish possession of our life and our time. much the same as we walked with the women in the fight for our bodies our selves and the say no to body fascism, we fought against the exploitation of the cult of the body yet now it forms the heart of gay pride a cancerous self oppression that we seem unable or unwilling to break away from the pink pound and its devotees seem to welcome it as their hedonistic right.

This is the gay culture we seem to have let ourselves get suckered into the way gay men in particular do. It is why they are to some extent alienated for the rest of society.

As a gay hippy of the 60/70 I wanted to change the world and what it has changed into is a long way form where I was trying to steer it and most of it is the total opposite of what I had as my agenda. I wanted to change society for the BETTER.

The political correct merchants seem to high jacked every think and made it into a cult for prejudice to hide behind same as the fantasy of the class less society. Believe me there is a socio-sexual class war going on and soon it will bust form behind the walls of hypocrisy and may wipe us all away.

The longest day

Time ceases to have any meaning ,

Yet as it moves on and as  you age it becomes more precious.

As you grow older or should I say I grow older for I conceded it may not be the same for all folks.

I look back and ask the Question.

How much time have I actually had ? . The answer very little  !

In the early years when part of the family, the bliss of having no responsibilities and time to play away your day.

Soon gave way and 4.5 years was the count of time till time became not your own.

There was school and home work, chores to be done to help out mum so she could do a part time job to pay the mortgage and so we could have a a holiday time once a year. Dad always had time of his own after work to relax after his busy day.

Soon it was my own Saturday and evening jobs as well as school work, if you want any fashion cloths and pop records. so my time was sold to others. 

Then there was the guys that paid for my time. Till old enough and wise enough to get a full time job and earned the right to twiddle my own knobs 

Then there was the get your own place to live if you are going to use this place as a hotel. Better to be away and gay than stay and pay in bitter words of disapproval.

The struggle to support your self and your others later. Using the sale of time to buy your own house, hold down two jobs or three ! Support your boy friend, girl friend , single mum with children, friends to lazy to support them selves and those who just could not. The mate who just spent all their money half way round the world.

Hold down that job . No time for you . Who’s You any way? You are here to help Every one else. You are the strong one.

Sick with growth now within. Ill health retirement looms. Now may be some time for you.

I doubt it. Now look after your mum and your dad . just 60 years of looking back at all the time I never had .

So Again that sweet refrain how much time have I had not much its truth to tell.

So looking back at life so swell. I wonder if I still might chance some time of my own ! With dawn of realising that if I have the time  I may not be physically able to take it as the toll of time may  have all ready erased it .

So in the end my life and time on this planet will have been freely given for the sake of others, for what greater gift can one human give than to lay down his life for the good of his fellow humans .

The Christian ethic or so we are taught

YET TRUTH TO TELL THE CHOICES IS NAUGHT.

Sad to report there is no mistake .

the exploiter and the exploited .

The corrupter and the corrupted

The abused and the abuser

The used and the user .

All in the time honoured  forms of communication, statement question answer .

I think there for I am.  I think. There for  I am ?  There for I think I am.

I have my time. I have all of my time? I have none of my time!

I came from nothing . I have nothing.  I will go with nothing.

You cannot own time.

So truth to tell your time is not your own !

You are part of its continuous flow .

Any ideas you have to the contrary are your illusionary delusion you invent to pass the time between arrival and departure from places you cant remember to places you will never go.

The paradox of existence defined by the inexplicable progress of you and time.

that never was your own.   

So we have a Liberal
Conservative Coalition . For those of us of my age living in London
its odd to think of the whole country now being run by the L.C.C.

Then again there are a
number of ways of looking at it.

Its a Liberal con. condition, 

Its
Liberal con dem nation. [ For the most under represented part of our
nation]

Conservative
liberal competition,{for those ye! But ! No! But! non voters } 

Love in Cameron & Clegg [the wife swap reality TV show might
be a laugh non voters]

No matter how you
look at it its not a first past the post government. Its not a
proportional representation government.

It is probably 
democratic in that it rule by the largest minority.

At its core it is
the usual British fudge appealing to our sense of fair play the
marginal winner takes the under dog under its party wing. [Most
likely bullies them more than the bulldog labour party would]

Of course in true
public school style Cameron has his fag Clegg and his team of fags to
to do his chores for him. Except oh dear one of my lovely friends of
Dorothy has been caught with his hypocritical hands in the till
paying his rent boy partner? Because he did not have the bottle to be
out and proud.

It remains to be seen
if he would have climbed so high up the tree if he had been out not
every one has the balls of come back kid lord Mandelson.

All in all a very
class ridden British solution to who should lead the country.

Confirming the disengaged, disenfranchised, under classes.
Conviction if needed of “ It matters not who you vote for the
government all ways gets in.“

Yes I mean you the do
good, power hungry, bourgeoisie, the new vogue rich, the private
school, Cotswold, Oxford, Cambridge,Eaton, Harrow, Islington, born to
rule brigade who have the strangle hold on the claim to represent the
people of this country.

A quote from the
disc world sent by my brother comes to mind "any one who wants
to be elected is by their nature totally unsuitable for the job."

our local councillors

Election thoughts United Kingdom

From the moment you are conceived to the moment you cease to be your existence is subject to and contingent on the external and the internal environment that we perceive as the boundary between the conciseness I.

It is there for reasonable to assume that we should be looking at and considering what is the best way to conserve and recycle our environment as much as possible.

If we have money to spend on an Army and Afghanistan and all or if Britain is as Brock as the government media experts are telling us it is then why don’t we use the army to fix it they can plant trees collect dustbins sort rubbish all the unemployed in the country can be employed on sorting out the problems of recycling planting more trees growing food here in the united kingdom we under glass in the winter so we can still be as self sufficient as possible .

The first party to come up with policies along these lines and stop the banks from taking us for a ride or the politicians for that matter as they seem to be part of the same old, same old and the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. I came from a poor family who made good and managed to buy a house’s but yet I and my sister’s and brother’s managed to buy houses and raise children yet are not as wealthy as my mum and dad are apart from one sister who seems to have done better possible because she married into Asian family of Catholics and did not get divorced

it is true to say that you do indeed cut your cloth according to your financial status! Of all of us in my family I am probably the most frugal and environmentally friendly living my life much as my grandparents did

Further election thoughts

To day it is a strange affair the elections here in the United Kingdom My sister was visited today by a canvaser from the local Labour party this was a woman in her late 20`s early 30“s she was Rumanian she is here as a mature student furthering her education.

She was asking what my sister saw as the main problems that need to be addressed one of the things that came up for discussion was the lack of employment and the number of migrant workers here from the rest of of the European community. Th need to try and make some provision for the British citizens to have first pick of the jobs available this the young lady agreed with and added that she had been a Mr. Chowchesque supporter and was not a supporter of the changes in her own country and was supporting the Labour party as the representation of soviet socialist ideas in the united Kingdom . Strange how we go about elections here !

The possible new chancellors of the exchequer have meet in a head to head debate on TV……

But Hang on !

The prime minister has not yet announced that we are having an election yet .
Sort of sums up what is going on in the United Kingdom at the moment.
Every one seems feed up disheartened about life the universe and every thing.
No one is doing their job properly, Companies, banks, government offices, prisons, social workers, teachers  are doing what ever they can get away with. Every one and his aunt is going on strike or asking for Lock downs in the case of the prisons.

Life to my mind  has never been so good people here are at last becoming normal again and realising that the ruling class of government and money classes in the united Kingdom are the rubbish they have always been and that may be what we really want is a real change.

As the interviewers go round the country asking the public what they feel needs to be done about the country all as if with one voice reply with the same conviction regardless being black British , Chines British, Indian British, Welsh British, Scottish British, Irish British, African British,  "We need to stop immigration and keep jobs for British people "

The Question is who are they referring to as Immigrants ? On closer examination it seems that the thing that has blowen the whole immigration issue out of the water is in fact not immigration at all thats just how people are reffering to it it is actually economic migration from the new European community members, who due to the European community laws are in fact entitled to be here.

The Estonian, Latvian, Lithuanian, Bulgarian, Polish, Czechs, many of them actually ethnic Russian who where not made to feel welcome in the lands they had grown up in but had no reason to go back to Russia who often bought their nationality from their country’s new European passport office for between £2,000 and £3,000 after signing papers to state they would leave the country as soon as they had their passport and as Britain was the easiest member of the union to get to with welfare support available they paid up and came here.

Living here in the East and of London over the last 10 years this is a story I have heard many times along with the Gay Uzbekistan boys escaping death threats and army boys under death threats.  
Kosovo`n boys most of them have now gone home as things have settled down. They earned their living as escorts here in London and had a gym set up in the front room of the house next door to keep in shape. This was as they where asylum seekers and could not work officially. So they worked on the black market so to speak.

All this is taking place against a background of great chunks of the Area being cut of as the Olympic park takes shape and developers build unaffordable housing at least for most of the people who live in the area. 

The bulk of the population in the area is unemployed and is a big melting pot of immigrants and poor idginouse white British who have to a large extent been disenfranchised.

Until 4 years ago I worked for as a local government officer I retired on grounds of ill health and now am a full time carer for my elderly parents my I watched as under reorganisation after reorganisation in local government regularly took the job that I had been doing for £20,000 per year and made it in to 4 £25,000 per year jobs for newly graduated bachelors  and moved me aside into a smaller portion of what had been my job.

Now that’s what you call creative accountancy. This is what has brought Britain to the brink of disaster.

That is along with the sell off of the nationalised industries like the post office, the gas board, the electricity board, the railways, the national bus company, British airways . I am still waiting for my share of the profits as they where suppose to belong to all the people of the nation managed by the elected government. 

It was all sold off by the last conservative government  as the way to bring them up to scratch, modernise make them fit for the 21st century well that never happened did it the services provided and the standards maintained by those  services now is worse than it was before they where sold ask any commuter and it is now more expensive than travelling by your own private car. I do the trip to Chelmsford 3 times a week to care for my aged mother and father if I had to do it by public transport I would not be able to afford it as it would cost me around 5 times the averaged cost of running a car. That`s with a government supposedly committed to green issues and public transport. The whole situation in the United Kingdom now is as crazy as the situation in Russia before the fall of communism it is suffering from the same problems only they are caused by rampant capitalism.

To day it is a strange affair the elections here in the United
Kingdom My sister was visited today by a canvaser from the local
Labour party this was a woman in her late 20`s early 30“s she was
Rumanian she is here as a mature student furthering her education.

She was asking what my sister saw as the main problems that need to
be addressed one of the things that came up for discussion was the
lack of employment and the number of migrant workers here from the
rest of of the European community. The need to try and make some
provision for the British citizens to have first pick of the jobs
available this the young lady agreed with all this and added that she had been
a Mr. Chowchesque supporter and was not a supporter of the changes in
her own country and was supporting the Labour party as the
representation of soviet socialist ideas in the united Kingdom .
Strange how we go about elections here !

As my sister pointed out did we the British and our government  not send money and assistance to help the orphanages and the almost  concentration camps condition that many people endured  under the Chowchesque regime. Did we not also in some small way conrtibute to his down fall and eventual execution. Some times reality just seems totally surreal.

As I have said before
we are having trouble in East London with the Islamic 
oppression  again the Islamics  are oppressing the local
indigenous and ethnic minorities people especially any one with
strong feelings of freedom we have fought long and hard for. Gay
rights, the rights of freedom of worship, Women’s rights, Equality or
race [and Islam is not a race it is a religious Philosophy] our
freedoms are a hard won badge of what it is to be British.

We the
British of all hues will not give them up to new immigrant religion
that thinks it has a hot line to god.

God has no place in
politics freedom and equality do. That way all of gods worshipers and those who worship no god get treated equally.

Check
out dispatches on channel4.com  good program but its a bit late many of us have been
fighting the take over for years all ready especial those of us who
believe in multiculturalism Islam is the greatest danger to a truly
multicultural society.

I have the luxury of having studied Sufism and know the Koran as well as the Bible, Many of sacred Text of many Religions. Also many books of Philosophy, Psychology,Sociology, mysticism and shamanic Knowledge. They are all aids to enlightenment and the improvement of Humanity.

They do however all by their nature  hold the danger of playing into the human elements  of singularity and self oppression and in that the destruction of all and the denial of the creation in its majesty as the fear of cresting a black hole hung over the large Hadron co-lieder so the possibility of an Islamic Jihad, Catholic, Jewish or indeed and singular belief system holds the same danger as the black hole in that it will eat up the whole world and the human race with it.

Diversity of belief holds the key to survival as much as it holds the key to the biological survival and ecological survival let any single group take over and the danger is obvious.

The Humans need to belong and be part of a group subjecting your own feelings and ideas to the oppression of others is what will bring about our destruction.

It is also the only way to change our situation or the  oppression, bullying, violation and abuse that we suffer at the hands of others. Belonging, membership, Loyalty, fraternity, Brotherhood, Sisterhood, gang, cult, party, posse what ever name it goes by it is truly a two edged sword of freedom, security and abuse, oppression